Everything I needed to know in life I learned from improv class.

This fall I signed up for Improv 100, one of the classes available from the Seattle improv group Unexpected Productions.   It was one of the most enriching and entertaining things I’ve ever done.   Every Tuesday night, I could count on bonding with complete strangers, laughing till I cried (I think I got abs from laughing so hard at this class), and having at least  three Oprah-style “aha moments” about art and story and life.   Improv class is both a playground for adults and a high-velocity lab where you can see truths about life and creativity unfolding and developing before your eyes.

Danielle LaPorte once said that taking an improv class “could teach you more about innovation, relationships, success, and sexuality than any therapist or self help book.”  After having duly experimented, I conclude that she’s right.  Everything you need to know in life you can learn from an improv class:

Be present. If you listen, you don’t have to think so hard.   Never underestimate instinct.  But you do have to be totally present, grounded, and ready for that  killer instinct to kick in.

It’s always better to be told to scale it down than scale it up.  Start by giving  things 100% energy & enthusiasm, the best, boldest, brightest you have.   You can always chill the eff out later.

Say yes, and…to other people’s ideas. Don’t block them.  One of the fundamental rules in improv is to say yes…and!  If someone in a scene says, “hey, let’s steal this car!,” you’re not supposed to say,  “No, you idiot, that’s a terrible idea.  Let’s go to the movies instead.”  That makes for a boring & negative scene.  What you’re supposed to say is “YES!  And let’s break all the windows and hot-wire it!”

Your life experience is an incredibly rich source of imagination rocket fuel.  Nobody has a boring life.  I thought I did, then I realized how based on the little I’ve seen and experienced, I had a bottomless source of off the cuff ideas.   And so did my classmates.   I realized I never have to be afraid of running out of ideas.

You don’t always have to be the star of the show.   Sometimes, you need to be a supporting character.  Sometimes, you need to be a tree. 

Learn all the rules first, then break them.   But just because you’re gonna break the rules doesn’t mean you don’t have to learn them first.  How are you going to know what rules to break (or why, or how) if you don’t know them?

Have you taken an improv class before?   If you haven’t  what are you waiting for?   If you have, I’d love to know what you thought of it & what you learned.

Paint Dancing

As part of my ongoing exploration of all things daring & dancy,  I decided to check out Seattle’s monthly paint dancing party.

Paint Dancing is a painting party that devolves into a dance party.   Paint dancing parties rock 13 different cities, but the original was started by abstract artist Matt Jones at Gasworks Gallery in Seattle.  For $15 you get tempera paints, brushes, paper & snacks. For an extra $5, you get wine (but don’t let people dip dirty brushes into your wine.)  Proceeds go to MashedPotatoes.org, a non-profit that gives potatoes & other easily stored food items to food banks around Washington.

There are a lot of primary colors,  party songs everybody knows, and friendly people of all ages.    People make everything from finger-paintings to masterpieces, and everybody dances!  There are paint-brush-armed conga lines,  people decorating each other’s faces and clothes, and even limbo (scroll down) Verdict:  Highly Recommended! 

Here are some shots from my paint dancing experience.

December’s Paint Dancing Party is December 9th from 8-10pm at Gasworks Gallery.  It’s  Crazy Hat Night.

The Power of Asking Well

Ask and you shall receive.   Uncontrovertibly true, but also hard.   Why?  Because as children, we’re taught that asking is wrong.  Don’t be greedy.  Be self-sufficient. Good girls don’t want things.  Real men don’t need help.  Don’t inconvenience people.  We don’t take charity in this family.  It’s a dog-eat-dog world.   You don’t want to owe anyone anything.  If you ask for things, people to think you’re weak or needy.   Did you grow up with any of these beliefs?  (I did.)  Do you still believe these things?  (I do, sometimes.)

The first problem with these beliefs is that they keep you from asking for what you want and need.   That’s bad because  if you don’t ask, you don’t get.   

The second problem with these beliefs is that when you believe that you are unworthy or wrong or out of line in asking for something,  you tend to make a sorry, ineffective mess of that request.  You grovel, apologize,  avoid eye contact,  or don’t ask for things directly.

The root of all beliefs about asking is the fear that we’re asking for something that we don’t deserve, or that we shouldn’t have.   I’m not going to tell you you deserve everything in the world because nobody does.   We don’t want to go around asking old ladies to give up their subway seat for you, or asking your parents to bail you out of gambling debt for the fifth time this month.   But these are not the kinds of requests we’re talking about.   It’s everything else;  a raise, a date, a small kindness, a military discount, an interview.  If you can look someone in the eye and ask for what you need with kindness, compassion, and  honestly,  and without  apologizing, then you don’t need to worry that your request is out of line,  or wrong, or an abuse of trust or relationship.    All you have to worry about is mustering up the courage to ask,  and asking well.

When you ask well—honestly, directly, kindly–two things will happen.   First, you’ll start trusting yourself when it comes to asking for things.    You’ll trust that those things you can ask for well are totally yours to ask for.  Second, people are a lot more likely to grant a direct, kind, unapologetic request than a babbling,  rambling, sorry one.   A win on both fronts!

Homework: 

This week, practice asking.  Practice asking well.   Ask the thrift store clerk for a discount because a button’s missing.   Ask someone you admire to mentor you.  Ask your spouse to make dinner tonight.   Ask your friends to donate for an upcoming charity race.    The first step is to practice having the courage to ask.   The second step is to practice asking well:

• Look the person in the eye.
• Smile.
• Ask kindly
• Ask  simply and directly.  Do not make the person read between the lines or guess what you mean.
• Do not apologize.
• Do not give the person an out  (e.g.,  I totally understand if you say no, but….)
• Do not give excuses, stories, or white lies to elicit sympathy.   Trust me, this doesn’t work in your favor.

EXAMPLES: 

WRONG: (fidgeting and avoiding eye contact)  Sir,  excuse me, I’m sorry, I was thinking, maybe,  if possible,  I could, please,  next week, take a personal day , because (white lie) I have doctor’s appointments and to see my 90-year old grandma,  but if you can’t I totally understand, its ok.

RIGHT: (Eye contact).  I would like to take a vacation day on Wednesday, please.

WRONG:  I come home from a long day’s work and you’re sitting there picking your toes and reading a magazine  and expect me to serve you  dinner on a silver platter.   You haven’t made dinner in three days.  What the hell is wrong with you, you lazy turd?

RIGHT:  I would like you to cook dinner  tonight,  please.

Go forth and ask!   And then share what you asked for & how it went….

When to Let Go of the Pomodoro.

Source: reddit.com via Brittanie on Pinterest

 

The Pomodoro Technique is a tool to help overcome procrastination & get things started.   The pomodoro works exceptionally well for routine work.  It also works well for creative work when the artist or writer needs ass-in-chair time.   Knowning that you get a break every five minutes or so helps you get started, avoid distractions & get things done.   When you’re doing something especially intense,  the five minute breaks and longer breaks remind you to get up from your chair and strech, or do a mini-workout, or drink water.

The Pomodoro Technique doesn’t work well when you’re inspired, or in flow.  Nothing kills flow faster than trying to control or interrupt it.

Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.

According to Csíkszentmihályi, flow is completely focused motivation. It is a single-minded immersion and represents perhaps the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning. In flow, the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand. To be caught in the ennui of depression or the agitation of anxiety is to be barred from flow. The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture, while performing a task, although flow is also described (below) as a deep focus on nothing but the activity – not even oneself or one’s emotions.

Historical sources hint that Michelangelo may have painted the ceiling of the Vatican’s Sistine Chapel while in a flow state. It is reported that he painted for days at a time, and he was so absorbed in his work that he did not stop for food or sleep until he reached the point of passing out. He would wake up refreshed and, upon starting to paint again, re-entered a state of complete absorption.

If you want to do great work, you have to put the time even when you don’t feel inspired, day in and day out, keep going.   But when inspiration strikes like lightening & you’re flowing and grooving, surrender to it.  Smash the timer against the wall and write or paint or scheme all night & into tomorrow.

Long Weekend Madness

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If you’re lucky you’re in the middle of a long weekend, which is phenomenal!!!

What will you do with this one wild and precious weekend?

Head over to Unicorns for Socialism & reinvent yourself with a sweet new title & mission statement.   I am inspired to put “justice crusader/ wonder & wisdom curator” on my business cards.   No seriously.

Fall hikes!  Fall Hikes!  Even if it is raining and cold.    If it rains, make like Reinvented in Seattle & jump in puddles. 

Figure out why you hold on to clutter & then get rid of it. 

Make a sweet DIY-dolly lantern.

Take a look at the Extraordinary Catalog of Peculiar Inventions: Vintage Arsenal of Masonic Pranksters (name says it all) 

Seattleites: Learn how to celebrate a local-foods Thanksgiving at the U-District farmer’s market (Saturday 11:00).  When you’re done, indulge in food-blogger baked delights at Will Bake for Food. ( Proceeds to go The Emergency Feeding Project.)

If you can’t get enough philanthropic gluttony, you can check out the annual Goodwill Glitter Sale: 

Held every year since 1983, this famous two-day sale features racks, rows and cases of glitzy and glamorous formalwear, gowns, jewelry, handbags, shoes and more, at fantastic prices! It has become Goodwill’s most popular and well-attended sale—people from across the region and even other states make it a point to attend.

What makes the sale truly remarkable is that all proceeds—every penny our customers spend—go to support Goodwill’s free job training programs. Every day, we help low-income people with barriers to employment get the skills and support they need to find work and support themselves.Because jobs change lives.

What will you do with this rollicking roller-coaster weekend?

Lists in Action.

Source: piccsy.com via Karin on Pinterest

 

Last week  Just a Titch had a post about doing a  morning pages ritual–writing a few pages first thing in the morning.   I loved that idea.   Being a list maker, I decided this week to make a few morning pages lists alongside my normal to-do lists.

Of course,  I don’t think we should limit ourselves to pages.  Some things need to be written in lipstick on mirrors or on sidewalks with brightly colored chalk, or tagged on overpasses or shouted from the rooftops.   But pages are a good place to start.

Here are some lists to put in action, however you choose to proclaim them.

1) 10 things you absolutely love about yourself.   I was inspired by  (a.k.a cribbed this from ) Tera Warner.  (Caveat:  nothing on the list can be about what what you own or what you do or who you love.   It’s what you love about you.   Your scars, your lion strength, your lightening wit and crooked teeth, legs that run marathons, inventive monkey minds and proud heritage and listening heart.   Not your husband or wife or job or car.)

2) 10 careers or life paths you would take if you had 10 lifetimes.  Ponder the fact that it is quite possible for you to do it all in the next fifty or sixty years or more.   Ponder the fact that if you don’t start anything because it is impossible to do it all, you will end up with zero items on your list completed as opposed to  one or two or four or six….

3) 10 people you could extend some kindness to in the next week.   A call to grandma.  A dollar to the homeless person across the street.  Lunch with the new girl.  Check the off as you do them.  Start over next week.

4) 10 touristy, unique, or cool things in your city you’ve not yet been to.   I  was the New York resident who never went to the Statute of Liberty, Radio City Music Hall, Carnegie Hall or the Met.   Don’t let it happen to you.

5) 10 books that have changed your life.   Bonus points…make it a point to pass each book on to someone in your life that  needs it.

What’s on your list?

Do what you can with what you have…

Source: craftspiration.tumblr.com via Ashley on Pinterest

Lady Pants Dance Part I (Or, how I miraculously learned to dance & got a part in a sweet movie)

 

I can’t dance.

Dance offended me.   As a chubby little kid, I used to have weeping fits before, during, and after ballet class.  The ballet teacher would just scowl at me and tell me my ass was sticking out all the way out the door and across the street.   As a teen, I was embarassed and self-concious about being a Latina with no natural rhythm.  Being asked to dance, whether by a cousin whose fancy footwork I couldn’t follow or by my homecomeing date who wanted to bump and grind filled me with dread.  In college, I took dance as my PE elective (because it was indoors and didn’t involve homework) and just about flunked out of Jazz-Dance for Dummies.

When I thought of dance, I felt rage.  How could someone ask me to move like that,  move my body in a way that was so vulnerable, embarssing,  unnatural?   I thought there was something seriously wrong with me….either that or I was an awkward white boy trapped in a curvy Latina body.

******

After college, I moved to NYC.  One night, at about two am,  I met a guy on a street corner  (this kind of thing happens in NYC.)  He told me he was making a movie, about a forgotten Pagan tribe in Eastern Europe.   They were filming in the woods next weekend…it involved dancing around a bonfire, beautiful costumes and beautiful people.  They were still looking for dancers.  I thought it sounded fantastic, so I told him I was a dancer.   Of course I was.  He gave me his card.  I made the call.

Two days later, I showed up at a bustling Brooklyn apartment-cum-production studio.  It was full of impossibly cool actors and producers and make up artists gorgeous costumes–furs, feathers and headdresses.   I spent a few minutes waiting, and a few minutes chatting with the producers.  I  forgot about the dancing part until it was time for my dance audition.

We crawled out the apartment window onto a huge rooftop.  It was fall.  It was cold.  There couldn’t have been stars visible in Brookyln, but I always remember that  scene in my head, with stars.  The music started.  Pulsing, earthy, liquid music.   For that one moment, I forgot that I couldn’t dance, and I danced and danced and danced.    I don’t remember what I did.  I just danced, like I was possessed and nobody was watching but the stars.

When the music stopped, the producer said, that was good.  We’d love to have you.

*****

I spent that weekend shooting the River of Copsa Mica, dancing every night around a fire in a forest grove with a tribe of belly dancers and fire spinners and artists.

For three enchanted nights, I danced with them, not missing a step, or a beat, or worrying or thinking, even though I danced barefoot on frozen ground,  and was surrounded by professional dancers.   I just danced.

******

I didn’t dance for a long time after that.

(Photo is a still from the River of Copsa Mica.)

I have finally found my guru…

Every once in awhile you hear some words that change your day…maybe your life.  I discovered Jeff Brown’s work’s today, by serendipitous accident.   I escaped from work in the middle of the day today feeling sick, achy, and frustrated and headed to yoga class.   Rushing into the studio, I dropped onto my mat, heart racing, mind doing cartwheels.  My yoga teacher  Jo opened the class with these words:

“I have finally found my guru- my toes, my feet, my hips, my hands, my heart. What a thing to imagine our guru as intrinsic to who we are rather than external to our embodied experience. If we really listen to the body, its truth aches will remind us when we are walking in the wrong direction, its truth chills will remind us when we are walking true-path. Thousands of years of knowing in our body temple, eternal wisdom as to directionality. No need to attach to anyone else’s knowing. We are living in a castle of awareness. The Body of God.”  —Jeff Brown

Book Review: Refuse to Choose!

In Barbara Sher’s book Refuse to Choose  she shows those of us who want to be travel writers, entrepreneurs, and trial attorneys while knitting sweaters, mastering yoga, capoeira and kiteboarding, all while dressing fashionably, and bringing about universal peace (guilty as charged)  that instead of agonizing over finding our “one true passion,” we should actually refuse to choose and do it all.   Scanners aren’t lazy or stupid, she says; they’re uniquely gifted individuals.

The book offers tips & exercises to help scanners find their way and create joyful, interesting & challenging lives.

Refuse to Choose  is written in broad strokes–general & inspirational.    The advice is a fantastic starting point.  It’s a reminder that you don’t have to turn your life upside down, quit your job, or move to an ashram to start making these passions part of your life.

Granted, you have to be  incredibly bold, ingenious and  intuitive and lucky to be one of those ultra-wealthy  lifetsyle-design scanners in the tradition of Tim Ferriss.   You need to be able to  plan, push yourself, and figure out ways to ride the waves of waxing and waning interest, scanner or not.   Reading this book will not make you Tim Ferriss.   Some of the vignettes involve people who work as secretaries so that they can spend free evenings and weekends sitting under a tree reading 19th-century literature.

But that’s not the point, my friends.  Not every scanner needs to be Tim Ferriss. A lot of people would be very happy simply realizing that they can learn Italian instead of reading People Magazine on the commuter train.  Even if they never end up on the total-freedom-lifetstyle design track, their lives are more interesting and enriched for that decision.

Regardless of what your endgame is;  lifestyle-design mogul-dom or adding a little more joy to your life, you have to start somewhere.  And if you think your only option is to put your entire life on hold before you start–quitting your job, waiting till the kids go off to college–you’ll never start.   Sure, it’s harder to orchestrate doing ten million things at once and even harder to roll them all into a profitable, pleasurable lifestyle.   But it can be done.

Verdict:  Add it to your bookshelf.   Read for inspiration & then do your homework.

Ladypants Tip:  Instead of keeping 20-30 binders for each of your projects as Sher suggests,  keep 20-30 notebooks on Evernote.  So much more portable!